creative uses for Duck brand tape.

I recently had to visit Henkel's DUCK Products page for some retarded reason. I was so happy to stumble upon their creative uses section.. here are some highlights:

"I taped a calf's broken leg together with Duck(r) Tape."
Jason S. Spring Green, WI

"I use Duck(r) Tape to tape the teats on my dairy cows. It keeps the teats from getting bruised, which in turn means better milk production."
Pat H. Wisconsin Rapids, WI
Hmmm... I wonder if that could translate to humans..

"We use Duck(r) Tape on our cows. Blue to tell us she isn't milking; red for cows with medicine."
Virginia K. Whitelaw, WI
I want a cow with medicine.

"At the zoo, where I work, we used Duck(r) Tape to keep the pouch of a kangaroo shut. An underdeveloped joey was ejected too early and needed to be kept in the pouch for more development. The tape held the pouch shut for several weeks until the pouch opening shrank to hold the little guy in on its own."
Brad B. Wichita, KS

"My six-year-old son uses Duck(r) Tape to keep his sisters out of his room. He Duck(r) Tapes everything across his room, so it looks like laser beams going everywhere. The tape goes from his door knob, to the toy chest, to the bed post and so on. Then he crawls underneath the Duck(r) Tape beams to a safe corner and makes Duck(r) Tape balls to throw at them."
Barbara C. Gibson, NY
Buy your kid a fucking toy, Babs.

"My son wet the bed, but kept pulling the rubber sheet off because he was too hot. I Duck(r) Taped the sheet from side to side to the mattress. It worked!"
Janyse C. Port Angeles, WA
So.. you have less laundry to do, but your kid is sweltering all night?!

"My son wraps Duck(r) Tape around the waist of his football pants to keep them up. The pants belong to the team so they can't be altered permanently."
Anne M.
This makes me sort of hard...

"I was on an out-of-town business trip when I bent down and split the seat of my pants. I only had a few minutes before a meeting, so I made a quick trip to the store, bought a roll of Duck(r) Tape and did a repair job on my pants in the men's room. A small piece on the inside of my pants did the job. In no time I was on my way and back in business.I now keep a roll in my suitcase for any future emergency."
Richard L. Canton, OH
I bet it felt good too! Ummm.. and why don't you just pack an extra fucking pair of pants instead of the tape?!

"We were up in Bayfield for a wedding. I discovered that I accidentally purchased nylons rather than pantyhose. I had no garter belt to hold up the nylons. My husband had Duck(r) Tape in the car, so I taped the hosiery to my thighs. It stayed up all night!"
Elaine H. Oconomowoc, WI
Yeah... I heard that's how they do that shit up in Bayfield.

"I use Duck(r) Tape to decorate and it worked great! I just finished my kitchen and I used the tape to do the trim on my cupboards. It's so much easier to use than paint because you don't have to worry about spills, straight lines or colors bleeding together."
Debra F. Dafter, MI
Yeah, but you have fucking dick tape all over your kitchen.. you're kidding yourself.

"We wrap our Christmas gifts with Duck(r) Tape."
Tara W. Port Angeles, WA
I think I saw that on an episode of Good Times.

"The river was rising quickly and the water was lapping at the patio doors. Flood water began seeping in on the new carpet. Duck(r) Tape applied around the door edges stopped the leak. Seven inches of water outside but none inside!"
Dennis G. West Plains, MO
I bet Bush wished he had this tip last Summer!

"Duck(r) Tape your fiancée to altar on your wedding day. That way there's absolutely no way you could be left alone at the altar."
Melanie C. Larobe, LA
Maybe if you didn't spend all your time trolling the DUCK tape website you wouldn't have to worry about your fiancee leaving you at the altar.

"To stop husband's snoring."
Betty K. Traskwood, AR

"I wanted to ask someone to a girl's preference dance. I made a Duck(r) Tape cat and accompanied it with a note that said, "At first I was chicken. Then I got the guts! (Incise cat for guts.)" Inside the cat was an invitation. He said yes. Now we're engaged.
Sarah H. Colorado Springs, CO
Sarah H. .... Dahmer.

"I use Duck(r) Tape as wrist supports."
Laura C. Larasi, LA

"During Desert Storm, the helicopter blades were being worn down by the sand. A very smart technician put Duck(r) Tape on the edge of the blade that suffered the most wear and when it wore off, they replaced the tape. Saving the government the replacement cost of chopper blades."
Steven C. Springfield, MO
God bless 'merica.


Blogger Blobby said...

if you came to NE Ohio - i could take you to their corporate headquarters....or at least by them.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous henry said...

I heard that kids these days create whole collections of fashion accessoires with duck tape, from wallets to man-purses and kelly-bags, especially since it's available in multiple colors nowadays.

With PETA gaining ground, there's a market opportunity for leather replacement products. Harnesses and slings out of finest duck, not sure about those chaps, though...

3:31 PM  
Blogger Tommy said...

I can't believe those things are for real, too damn funny lol!

11:56 PM  
Anonymous copperred said...

I notice a large selection of these are from WI and MO. Does that say something?

10:10 AM  

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