12.06.2006

jizz the season?

I’ve had masturbation on the brain a lot as of late. Ummm… actually, not really as of late.. more like since I was nine years old.

Now I know I’m not the only one out there who takes advantage of the opportunity to spend a little quality time with himself. But I think I might be on the high end of the spectrum. I’ve pretty much taken EVERY opportunity for self-exploration (yuck!.. that sounds very Color Purple.. no hand-mirrors involved.. well, maybe just once..) over the last 23 years or so.

The quality and quantity of my endeavors has not really changed much over the years. Factors like being in my messy-drug-phase, living at my parent’s house as a teen, having a roommate in college, etc. have not really affected or thwarted my hairy-palm inducing mission(s). Having a lot of actual sex, be it slutting it up in video booths, bars or online, or being in monogamous relationships never made a blip on my radar either. In fact, all of the above usually just added fuel to the fire that is the never-ending reel of dirty, drippy, and diabolical mantasies in my brain.

As a kid, a light breeze could set me off. Seeing briefs hanging on a clothesline to dry, the horrific yet tantalizing time spent in the HS locker room, drunken dads at backyard BBQs, my friggin’ bus driver (NOT the bull-dagger), the horny neighbor kid, the entire football and wrestling teams, my obviously well-hung 10th grade English teacher, the issues of penthouse and hustler hidden in the back of my dad’s closet… this is the stimulation I craved and sought out on a daily basis.

When I got older and moved out on my own, the freedom of adulthood allowed me to supplement the quest for fantasy-fodder with self-bought porn, trips to the bars and sex clubs, and a little bit o’ genuine man-to-man action. My mantasies became a little broader and included Arab deli-workers, cab drivers, THE BEARS, older guys, daddies, all things rough and tough, hairy guys, married men… you get it.

Enter the internet.

Volumes have been written about the internet as porn delivery device... blah, blah, blah. Google that shit if you wanna know more. I got my first taste in 1998 when I got my first hand-me-down gateway with a dial-up connection.

“Hey, AOL, how you doin’? Yeah, I’m a’ight, could you find me some fat-daddy-dick within two blocks of my apartment?? No, not him, he fakes his stats. Ummm.. yeah.. him… he did the trick last time. Ohhh… wait… yeah, HUNGHAIRYSLOPEDAD69420… let’s go with him!” (Similar conversations were had between me and my buddy, gay.com, although that friendship was much shorter lived.)


The true gift that the internet gave me was 24/7 non-stop access to glorious man-ass. I’m not just talkin’ about hook-up sites. The actual communication aspect of those sites is secondary to the hot amateur photos of the ex-football jock in Omaha and the dirty-minded daddy in Quebec City. Sure, I can talk sex with the best of them, but what I really dig is seeing what people put out there for everyone to see. If I do crossover into the realm of cybersex, it usually hasta be dirty, smarmy or a least a little creative. Like building an elaborate scenario over the course of several conversations or giving one another photo assignments.. blah blah blah.

Today, my consumption of internet porn is at a fun, healthy and satisfying high. Give me a couple of hours of bearporn.com, bigmusclebears.com, bear411.com and now xtube.com and I’m set. Give me a whole day to peruse the manternet and I’m GOLDEN!

Call me crazy, call me a horn dog, call me a recluse, call me a pervert, (or.. as some of you might opt, tell me to take my own life), but I fuckin’ love it. I don’t know how I lived without this shit! If I had access to the world of internet porn as a kid I would have been an even bigger masturbation machine. In fact, I’m quite upset with young men today. Were they taking proper advantage of the wonderful advances in technology we would not see a single one of them on the street. ever. There would be no gang-violence, no dangerous skateboarders, all male extracurricular activities would be forced out of existence…. it would look like a typical day on Wonder Woman’s Paradise Island for sure.

Not sure what spurred this post. But I’m gonna blame it on the Holiday Spirit and/or Jesus. I actually think I’m going to forego going home for the holidays, buying gifts and singing carols and just make a bit of extra time for me, masturbation and internet porn.

Jizz the season... maybe?

Labels: , ,

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every boy needs a hobby.

2:22 PM  
Blogger farmboyz said...

A wonderful Ode to It.
Thank God there are some guys out there who are taking their hands off their dicks long enough to perfect the net and improve the delivery of porn in its full glory. I trust they are working feverishly on the delivery of virtual sex which really will end the need to go out for anything except bagels.

7:09 AM  
Anonymous Scott's Mother said...

Scott, this is your mother. Call me at once!

1:34 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Thinking about you masturbating forced me to masturbate. :)

6:03 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Who links to me?